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Tag: grief

No More Tears

Each man (especially analytic types of men and women like me) will consider sin and judgment, punishment and grace, in the light of heaven and eternal life. Few will give much consideration to our own possibility of judgment followed by eternal punishment: after all, have we not each chosen our sin knowing the consequence of death?

Death (the elephant in the room, as an older sister called it) is not much spoken of by sinners or even by the forgiven. Eternal life is mentioned by those covered by the grace of the Cross as a given, often not in light of the consequence of our present fruit of grace. So few christians consider that we may indeed be the fruitless branch the Gardner will prune to give more abundant life to the remaining branches in need of more fruit, namely, the fruit of the Spirit.

My dear brothers and sisters, how we long for the place of eternal joy and the heaven where there shall be no more tears.

The Revelation of Jesus Christ to John illustrates a tender scene of those who have come out of the great tribulation.

Revelation 7

15 “Therefore they are before the throne of God,

and serve him day and night in his temple;
and he who sits on the throne will shelter them with his presence.
16 They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore;
the sun shall not strike them,
nor any scorching heat.
17 For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd,
and he will guide them to springs of living water,
and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”

How can there be no more tears?

When my beloved wife died, I endured many days of mourning with many tears. When your child dies young or before you, you will mourn your loss with many tears. When your life-long friend or your relative of your own blood and flesh and ancestry dies and leaves you here on your own, you will mourn and miss the wonderful times with many tears.

Yet the hope of the eulogy is that we will be reunited with our loved ones in heaven. How can that be?

Only through the grace of Christ Jesus and His Cross of sacrifice for our sins.

Those, and only those, who have place their souls in the hands of the Lord will already have made their place in eternity with us. What a joyous reunion with lost loved ones it will be!

Many place their hope of heaven falsely in their own goodness or in the ultimate goodness of God that a loving God will not punish our sin with eternal torment and the second death. We will not see these in heaven, nor even remember the days of their flesh and sin.

Some, even relatives and near loved ones, expound unfounded hope that death of the flesh is death of the soul – the end. It is not. The Bible and the words of Christ Jesus are clear that the death of the flesh is only the death of the flesh.

Do you really believe that you are not more than the flesh and bones and brain of your body? Is your meaning of death brain-dead or death of the heart (as if you can observe the very death of who you are as created by God for this temporal body)?

Do you really think that you are not a soul? Do you not understand that you are not part of the earth anymore than you are part of your bones and blood and flesh?

Who are you?

You are a soul, created by God with a body. Who are angels? Not spirits from bodies, but souls created only with a spirit and no body such as given to man. Yet the Bible is clear that when a man dies, our spirit does not die. The Bible is also clear that our spirit will receive a resurrected body – a risen body – to join once more with our spirit eternal in Christ.

Without dwelling on the punishment of hell for those who refuse in this short life to come to Christ and follow Jesus in His new righteousness for us, I have often thought of Heaven and how my joy may finally return. It seems that Judgment demands the punishment of the souls of some, even many I love. If I miss these in some way already, how can I not miss these loved ones destined for Hell after I am taken up to Heaven by the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ?

ALL will pass away: every body, every soul, even the earth will pass away into an end and a judgment and a new untainted sinless life with God OR destruction in punishment. Yet some, in Christ, will have no more tears… no more suffering from the sin of this world.

Revelation 21:

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more.

And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

How can there be ‘no more tears?”

The answer would seem that we will no more remember them.

We will not remember that sinful relative, that fun person who reveled in sin at the expense of heaven. We will not remember that friend who clung to Buddha or Muhammad or ancient idolatry of ancestry to reject the grace of Jesus Christ as Lord. As nice and good as these all seemed – as much as we loved these – there is only one way we, of the new heaven and the new earth will not miss them.

We will remember them no more, forever.

No more tears.

Thanks to our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus, God with us. We are with Him, forever.

December 18, 2013
How Do Children Respond to Grief?
By Rachel Harned, M.A. Counseling Ministries, Wheaton College

Most people don’t know how to respond to other people’s grief. Even fewer know how to respond to a child’s grief.

My first introduction to grieving was when I was 6 years old and my mom died. As a result, I wanted to post a follow up on interacting with grieving children.
- First, it is important to look at what a child would consider a loss.
When I was in 3^rd grade, we moved from North Florida to Central Florida. That seemed like moving across the world to an 8 year old girl who had lived in the same house her whole life. I was losing my home, my friends, and my school in one fell blow. That was a major loss to me.

A small toddler may even need to grieve the loss of a favorite stuffed animal.

When I was 3 or 4, I cried for days when I lost my favorite doll. Almost every kid up until a certain age has a stuffed animal or blanket that they can’t go to sleep without.

To a child, not all losses are equal but all losses are serious.

A loss can be anything that affects how you live your life.

I had to learn how to sleep without my doll and make friends in a new school and live without my mom.
- You also have to be especially careful about your phrasing with children.
You obviously don’t want to be too blunt but you can’t be vague about what’s happening or they won’t understand, particularly about death.

I remember someone told me that my mom was asleep (or something like that) but she wasn’t waking up.

For awhile, I did not want to go to sleep because I was afraid that I wouldn’t wake up either.

Telling a child that someone passed away (probably one of the most common phrases) is better but young children will need to have it explained to them because they need to know what’s going on before they can process it.

I use the word ‘processing,’ but I want to talk about that for a minute because different people will do it differently.
- God created us with different personalities that are very distinct, even in children.
Many (probably most) children will want to talk about it but others won’t. If they want to talk about it, it’s important for them to have a listening adult ear.

Hopefully, that can be in the form of a parent or other family member, but sometimes that’s not possible. Especially in the case of death, family members can be so focused on their own grief that they emotionally can’t handle the child’s as well. It’s OK to admit that, but there needs to be someone available for the grieving child to talk to.

The most obvious choices would be a pastor or a counselor but it could also be a close family friend (with a Christian understanding of death and eternal life).

I was able to talk to mentors and friends’ parents about my feelings and that had a significant impact on how I was able to deal with my mom’s death and some other things that were happening in my life shortly afterwards.
- If a child does not want to talk, that is OK too.
Don’t push them into it. Sometimes they need to think about it on their own or just wait and see what changes occur before they talk about it.

As I mentioned in my previous post, it is important to acknowledge that grieving is normal and OK with adults, but it is doubly important to tell this to children.

In a society where it is a virtue to “pull yourself up by your bootstraps,” I have seen many children taught that crying is a sign of weakness and that only babies cry. This is especially common with boys.

The problem with that is that some things are worth crying over. One of my parenting pet peeves is when parents tell their sobbing children “it’s OK” but clearly, something is not OK or they wouldn’t be crying.

A better phrasing might be “I know it hurts right now but you WILL BE OK” or something along those lines.

That applies to grief as well. When a child is caught in the middle of a divorce or has just lost a parent, sibling, pet, etc., they need to be told that it’s OK to cry about it now but, eventually, it won’t hurt as much.

Also, if you don’t let out your feelings of sadness, they will inevitably manifest themselves in another way, usually in depression, anxiety, or anger. I have no research to back this up but I am convinced that the rise in teens that need anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medications is at least partially due to the increasing stigma against proper grieving in our culture.

Feel free to comment below with any other questions, tips, or stories about your experiences with grief.

And please SHARE our discussions on How to Respond to Grief with any who are grieving.
November 2, 2013
He heaps up riches

Surely every man walks about like a shadow;
Surely they busy themselves in vain;
He heaps up riches,
And does not know who will gather them. – Psalm 39

“And now, Lord, what do I wait for?
My hope is in You.

James 5:1-8

English Standard Version (ESV)

Warning to the Rich

5 Come now, you rich, weep and howl for the miseries that are coming upon you.
2 Your riches have rotted and your garments are moth-eaten. 3 Your gold and silver have corroded, and their corrosion will be evidence against you and will eat your flesh like fire. You have laid up treasure in the last days.

4 Behold, the wages of the laborers who mowed your fields, which you kept back by fraud, are crying out against you, and the cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord of hosts.

5 You have lived on the earth in luxury and in self-indulgence. You have fattened your hearts in a day of slaughter. 6 You have condemned and murdered the righteous person. He does not resist you.

Patience in Suffering

7 Be patient, therefore, brothers,[a] until the coming of the Lord.

See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains.

8 You also, be patient.

Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.

October 24, 2013