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Tag: marriage

  • The Commitment of Christian Marriage

    The Commitment of Christian Marriage

    This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

    Did we miss this? I love a good mystery. Don’t you? Especially at the moment you finally get it – the moment you figure out where the story has been headed all along.

    Paul writes a letter to the church (at Ephesus). It is a letter to you and a letter to me, IF we claim Christ as our Lord… IF we are consumed with the promised return of our Lord. But there’s a mystery here you might overlook if you see Ephesians only as a letter with rules and regulations. It is the mystery of relationship.

    Ephesians 5

    English Standard Version (ESV)

    Walk in Love

    Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.  2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

    Walk in love. We get that, right?

    Walk. Make progress in our faith. Don’t just stay as we were, but become as Christ would want us.

    We are beloved children of the Living God. WOW! We love that. But now, as children we are expected to grow up as a member of the family of God our father. Yet as the rebellious child will often do, we get hung-up on Dad’s rules. (See vs. 5-21)

    Then, it seems (like in all good mysteries) that the author is headed down a different road with just the obvious connection to that ‘sexual immorality’ thing: porneia. We know that marriage should solve all of that. But why is Paul giving marriage so much ink?

    Wives and Husbands

    22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

    25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

    27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

    28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

    29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.

    Lets pause for a moment and look at this from a different perspective. Many a sermon has been preached using Ephesians 5:22 as a reason for husbands to have their wives “submit” to their will. I will point out here that MANY a husband is NOT submitted to Jesus Christ as his Lord. For the text says, “as to the Lord.” Therefore, BOTH the husband and the wife who claim Jesus Christ as their Lord MUST be submitted to Christ as Lord.

    Is your Christian marriage submitted to Christ as your Lord?

    Husbands, love your wives. (Don’t get mixed up on this now.) Love here is not sexual love. (That’s OK and expected, but Paul refers to something bigger here.)

    Love, that is: agapaō, is inclusive of the same love expected from all Christians for each other on a most intimate basis.

    Paul adds: as Christ loved the church. (Same word for loved: agapaō). This means that in a sense if you think of Jesus as the Husband and you as the Bride, it’s the love that Jesus has for you IF He were your Husband. It’s the same love that God has for all of us in the sense that ‘adam’ means not only man, but mankind.

    But Paul does not stop there with his example for husbands. He adds: and gave himself up for her.

    What does he mean by, gave himself up?

    Husbands, he means a sacrificial love for your wife. Do you do that? (For you were glad enough to have your wife sacrifice her humility to serve you. Do you sacrifice your being for her?)

    Paul emphasized the sacrifice of the husband even more (in a way that we cannot get around), for he adds to that a purpose: that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.

    Sanctify her: a husbands duty. A religious term meaning to to separate her from profane things and dedicate a wife to God. My responsibility as her husband. (And I pray in the Lord that she will submit to it.)

    The prodigal wife has returned from the pig sty. She is filthy. She has had an unloving master who has not cared that she has wasted all of her blessing and inheritance from her father on foolish things. She begs to return home, even as a servant with not even the rights of one of the family of the father.

    How will you welcome this filthy prodigal wife?

    (Need direction in this? Read Luke 15.)

    Sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. 

    Picture the purification of the Bible, a waterfall showering the one sanctified to God until all the filth of the pig sty of the worldly places is gone.

    The water of purification is the word of the Lord.

    Will your wife listen? That is what the Lord wants to know. Will you and she both become sanctified in the Word?

    John 1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4 In him was life, and the life was the light of men.

    It all goes back to the beginning, to Eden, to God’s intention of the intimacy of the relationships involved of adam.

    31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 

    Paul now refers to the mystery of marriage. The climax, however, is more than you ever expected. (Paul adds that the mystery is profound.) 

    32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

    JESUS + HIS CHURCH = a Marriage made in Heaven.

    As a member of Christ’s body, the church; Christians are Jesus’ Bride.

    Every prepared and purified soul of the church awaits the coming again of our Bridegroom: Christ Jesus, our Lord and Husband betrothed to each of us.

    It is a very great mystery, Jesus Christ + the Church; Husband + wife. We are by His sacrifice one with Him and will be with Him in His heavenly home for all time.

    Paul adds, as our example of that marriage:

    33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

     Why is the witness of Christian marriage so important?

    We are the respect of Christ in this world, until He returns for His faithful Bride.

    Christians must live as Christ and be witness to His love and righteousness.

    Would you (IF you were Jesus) want an unfaithful wife?

    The hypocrisy of failed christian marriages is no mystery to the world.

    WE, by the witness of our divorces are prodigal wives gone off to the pig sty on our own.

    It is because of the hardness of our hearts and not love for Christ Jesus, our Betrothed Bridegroom.

    Will we return to the vows of our faithfulness?

    OR will the Lord return before we purify our church once more?

    They are no longer two, but one.

    Is your marriage one with Christ Jesus our returning Bridegroom?

    For He poured out His sacrifice of love for His Bride on the Cross.

    May we in our Christian marriages once more take up our cross and follow the Bridegroom.

     

     

     

  • but from the beginning it was not so

    but from the beginning it was not so

    Teaching About Divorce

    3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”

    4 He answered,“Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

    The question of the Pharisees is justification that could easily come from the deceitful tongue of an unfaithful 21st c. christian.

    ‘How can I get out of my marriage vows?’ one might ask.

    A ‘vow’ may be permanent or vows may have a clause of completion by a given date or event. Here is announced INTENTION of the marriage vow I made with my wife and she with me:

    DECLARATION OF INTENTION
    Pastor [sister in the Lord and mayor, Judith Piper] to the persons who are to marry:

    I ask you now, in the presence of God and these people, to declare your intention to enter into union with
    each other through the grace of Jesus Christ, who calls you into union with himself [as acknowledged in
    your baptism.]

    Pastor to the woman: 2
    Lissette, will you have Roger, to be your husband, to live together in holy marriage? Will you love him,
    comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to him as
    long as you both shall live?
    Woman: I will.

    Pastor to the man:
    Roger, will you have Lissette, to be your wife, to live together in holy marriage? Will you love her,
    comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to her as
    long as you both shall live?

    I will.

    Although we have spent some time in the Old Testament and marriage problems from the beginning, let’s take a brief look at the Law and perspective of marriage before these last days.

    As a reminder, a woman (virgin) was given in marriage from her father to another family, typically by agreement to the father for his son. (How different this is from the boiling emotions of attraction of the flesh of those choosing marriage in these last days as a confirmation of what has already taken place.)

    The Bible speaks to men, because by their authority from God men are to speak to and for the woman in their care and responsibility.

    For a brief look at this, see Numbers 30.

    Not only is it NOT Biblical that in most instances a man may NOT divorce a woman, it is NOT Biblical that a woman would even have the legal right to divorce her husband! (However, in these last days, the world and the church have allowed and condoned this.)

    Divorce by christian women ‘putting away their Christian husbands for any reason’ is all too prevalent and unconfessed by the church.

    A few startling statistics which ought to convict christians and those married claiming Christ:

    • Percent of men 15-44 years of age who have had 15 or more female sexual partners, 2006-2010: 21.6%
    • Percent of women 15-44 years of age who have had 15 or more male sexual partners, 2006-2010: 9.0% source

    I have confessed that the number of sexual partners in my life may be counted on one hand, but trends show that now many teens have had more sexual partners by their early 20’s, and that without marriage (in most cases), than I have had in over 40 years since first having intercourse (in my 20’s).

    • By age 18, 9% of women aged 15–44 in 2006–2010 had ever cohabited.
    • By age 20, 26% of women in 2006–2010 had cohabited, compared with 23% in 2002 and 19% in 1995.
    WhyGetMarried2Our 18 year old son will graduate from high school this year. These stats mean that 9 of the 100 young women graduates in his class have already lived with their boyfriend (possibly in the home of her parent).
    —
    I can guarantee you that our ‘christian’ sons and daughters (who often resist church participation at that age) are included in the parental hypocrisy of these well-hidden facts. (See the difference in christian marriages, below.)
    —
    In just two years, one of every four young women in his 2014 graduation class will be “in a relationship” with their boyfriend. (No need of marriage here.)
    One of four women by age 20.
    • By age 25, over one-half of women (55%) in 2006–2010 had cohabited. source

    So what is our Christian witness for marriage?

    We do not make a very good case for it by our witness.

    • adults (78%) have been married at least once, the Barna study revealed that an even higher proportion of born again Christians (84%) tie the knot.
    • 25% have gone through a marital split
    • In fact, when evangelicals and non-evangelical born again Christians are combined into an aggregate class of born again adults, their divorce figure is statistically identical to that of non-born again adults: 32% versus 33%, respectively. source

    Christian witness: Number of divorces is the SAME as non-christians.

    Continuing in what Jesus had to say to the Pharisees about divorce:

    Jesus said:  6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

    7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”

    8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

    Is this not so with christians who divorce? Is this not so with christian wives who call themselves, ‘single moms?”

    9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

    And ought we also say, in these last days where the hardness of a woman’s heart will no more submit to her husband, than she will to the Lord:

    “Whoever divorces her husband, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

    From the beginning, it was not so.

    Marriage: to be continued?  … Next: Why Biblical marriage matters

     

     

  • Two Sinful Souls = One Imperfect Marriage

    Two Sinful Souls = One Imperfect Marriage

    Genesis 24:16 KJV And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.

    Looking beyond the ‘ideal marriage,’ suppose at the time and place of your marriage it was said:

    I now pronounce you sinners, husband and wife.”

    Of course, that’s not how we do it.  The marriages and customs of the Old Testament are unfamiliar, yet marriages remain flawed by sin since Eden.

    The sin of the husband impacts his wife and the sin of the wife affects her husband. They are one in the sins of both.

    Women of faith of the Bible have, perhaps, received much grace in that we read little of their sins and failings or their infidelities to their husbands. The leadership and responsibility of marriage falls on the husband. The Biblical model of marriage shows obedience of the woman to her father, followed by obedience to her husband after she is given in marriage.

    Think about this; how different this is from our contemporary practice of ‘equalness,’ rather than completeness.

    Job’s wife and Lot’s wife may come to mind along with others, but for the most part the Bible documents many sinful acts of many sinful men of faith.  We must learn and discern (for both husband and wife) from both their faithfulness and their failings.

    The story of the virgin above is of Rebekah. It is not Isaac’s witness here, but a servant of Abraham. Abraham sends out a servant to arrange a marriage for his son. It is a contract (typically) between two fathers – a joining of two families. Abraham has already had the problems of having more than one wife! Without going into God’s purposes through Hagar (apart from his purposes through Sarah), let’s take an earlier look at the husband: Abram.

    The Call of Abram

    Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you…

    4 So Abram went, as the Lord had told him, and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he departed from Haran.

    Abram is not a young man when he began his journey with Sarai to an unknown land at the leading of God.

    5 And Abram took Sarai his wife, and Lot his brother’s son, and all their possessions that they had gathered, and the people that they had acquired in Haran, and they set out to go to the land of Canaan…

    7 Then the Lord appeared to Abram and said, “To your offspring I will give this land.” So he built there an altar to the Lord, who had appeared to him…

    10 Now there was a famine in the land. So Abram went down to Egypt to sojourn there, for the famine was severe in the land.11 When he was about to enter Egypt, he said to Sarai his wife, “I know that you are a woman beautiful in appearance, 12 and when the Egyptians see you, they will say, ‘This is his wife.’ Then they will kill me, but they will let you live. 13 Say you are my sister, that it may go well with me because of you, and that my life may be spared for your sake.”

    The beginning of trouble: Abram instructs his wife to lie.

    14 When Abram entered Egypt, the Egyptians saw that the woman was very beautiful. 15 And when the princes of Pharaoh saw her, they praised her to Pharaoh. And the woman was taken into Pharaoh’s house. 16 And for her sake he dealt well with Abram; and he had sheep, oxen, male donkeys, male servants, female servants, female donkeys, and camels.

    17 But the Lord afflicted Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai, Abram’s wife. 18 So Pharaoh called Abram and said, “What is this you have done to me? Why did you not tell me that she was your wife? 19 Why did you say, ‘She is my sister,’ so that I took her for my wife?

    Here is a fair question to the liar, Abram, a guest in his land from the Pharaoh of Egypt.  “Why did you not tell me that she was your wife?” 

    19b Now then, here is your wife; take her, and go.” 20 And Pharaoh gave men orders concerning him, and they sent him away with his wife and all that he had.

    God helps to keep their marriage, but Abram is not finished in trying to fulfill God’s promise his way.

    Sarai and Hagar

    Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. She had a female Egyptian servant whose name was Hagar.

    Pharaoh had treated Sarai as a betrothed of his household (harem, if you will). Sarai had even been given this young slave girl to serve her. As Sarai was to become the wife of Pharaoh (as he supposed),  she was given honor by her husband to be. But it was not to be; for God warned Pharaoh in a dream that Sarai was already the wife of this sojourner in his land, Abram. Therefore, Pharaoh returns his possession, Sarai his betrothed, to Abram, her rightful husband.

    Along with her, Pharaoh gives back to Abram Sarai AND all her possessions, including Hagar.

    "Sarah Leading Hagar to Abraham" Matthias Stomer - 1637
    “Sarah Leading Hagar to Abraham” Matthias Stomer – 1637

    Problem (for this older couple).

    16:2 And Sarai said to Abram, “Behold now, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai.

    Is this not reminiscent to Adam listened to his wife, Eve? (Genesis 3:12)

    3 So, after Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar the Egyptian, her servant, and gave her to Abram her husband as a wife. 4 And he went in to Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, she looked with contempt on her mistress.

    5 And Sarai said to Abram, “May the wrong done to me be on you! I gave my servant to your embrace, and when she saw that she had conceived, she looked on me with contempt. May the Lord judge between you and me!” 6 But Abram said to Sarai, “Behold, your servant is in your power; do to her as you please.” Then Sarai dealt harshly with her, and she fled from her.

    “But honey, you told me I could.”

    Blame, not responsibility.

    Now Abraham has two wives and one son, Ishmael, the beginning of much more lasting trouble.  Remember this all started with a lie that resulted in the opportunity for Abram to know a second wife.

    Abraham and Sarah and Hagar: it didn’t work.

    The story of their marriage, with Hagar as the lesser wife (concubine, as later they are called) is not the ideal.  His wife, Hagar and his son Ismael were torn from him, a consequence of his own deceptions and manipulation of his wife’s second person interpretation of God’s direct promise to him.

    So Abraham arranges a marriage for Isaac.

     

    Coming soon:

    The story of the competition of children for a mother’s and a father’s affections is topic of another dysfunctional family of faith of the next generation.

    Genesis 25:28 Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.

    Next: We will skip a generation to more and multiplied problems of multiple wives in the marriages of Jacob.

    Marriage: To be continued…